How To Really Love a Child

Here is another list of advice that I've had so long that I don't remember where I got it. And, like last week's similar post, there is no author included with my copy, so I can't give credit to anyone for this.

To me, this poetic list encourages us parents to slow down, to enjoy the moment, to connect and make eye contact, and to have kindness in our hearts for our children. I've taken the liberty to highlight a few of my favorite lines. I hope you enjoy it.



How to Really Love a Child

Be there.

Say yes as often as possible.

Let them bang on pots and pans.

If they are crabby, put them in water.

If they’re unlovable, love yourself.

Realize how important it is to be a child.

Go to a movie theater in your pajamas.

Read books out loud with joy.

Remember how really small they are.

Giggle a lot.

Surprise them.

Say no when necessary.

Teach feelings.

Heal your own inner child.

Learn about parenting.

Hug trees together.

Make loving safe.

Bake a cake and eat it with no hands.

Go find elephants and kiss them.

Plan to build a rocket ship.

Imagine yourself magic.

Make lots of forts with blankets.

Let your angel fly.

Reveal your own dreams.

Search out the positive.

Keep the gleam in your eye.

Mail a letter to God.

Encourage silly.

Plant licorice in your garden.

Open up.

Stop yelling.

Express your love, a lot.

Speak kindly.

Paint their tennis shoes.

Handle with caring.

Children are miraculous!

Preventing Smart Phone Injuries

I remember a long time ago, a new term popped up called "Nintendo Thumb." It referenced a condition that befell kids who played too many video games and hurt their thumbs with constant joy stick use. Gaming systems in the home were new, and an injury sustained by gaming on the living room couch seemed preposterous. The grown-ups in my life shook their heads and laughed at the news, as if to say, Dumb kids.

But with the advancement of home computing and personal devices that go with us everywhere, conditions similar to Nintendo Thumb are now pervasive for all ages, and the concept of injuries caused by gadgets is no longer a novelty.

Take smart phones. The American Occupational Therapy Association, Inc. (AOTA) has dedicated a PDF tip sheet for preventing injuries related to smart phone use. Some possible conditions and prevention tips from the AOTA include:

• Smart phone thumb. This is pain or soreness in your wrist or at the base of your thumb from the "awkward positioning of your hands and thumbs while typing." Prevention includes typing shorter messages, limiting time spent typing on your phone, and giving your digits a rest.
• Cell phone elbow. This is "tingling and numbness into your little finger and possible weakness of your hand." It's caused by persistent bending of your elbow while holding the phone to your ear. Prevention includes changing hands while using the phone, using a speaker phone or a hands-free device. (Side note: I bought the RocketFish Mobile Hands-Free Headset for other reasons, and it works well.)
• Cell phone neck. Pain and spasms in your neck and shoulder muscles can be caused by tilting your head and raising your shoulder to stabilize your phone. Like cell phone elbow, using a speaker phone or a hands-free device will prevent this as well.
• PDA nails. Believe it or not, your nails can become "misshapen and ridged" from prolonged keyboard typing. Using the pad of your finger, not the tip, can help prevent this.
• Cellular blindness. Looking at a small screen for long periods of time can cause severely dry eyes. It helps to look away from your screen every 20 minutes and to use proper corrective lenses. (I can no longer use contact lenses because of dry eyes, and now I wonder if I'm forever in glasses because of my crazy long hours - and years - in front of a computer screen.)
• Smart phone fog. "Symptoms include putting yourself and others in danger by using your smart phone while driving or walking." Don't text while walking or driving, and use a hands-free device when talking on your phone.

When I first got my smart phone last year, I carried it around in my left hand - a lot. The base of my thumb started aching mysteriously. It finally hit me that it was caused by holding my thumb in the same position, arched back away from my other fingers, to hold my phone. My smart phone did so many more things than my old phone, and as a result, I was holding it and using it all the time. I think I officially had the beginning of smart phone thumb. Dumb kid!

I find it so interesting that personal gadgets promise more convenience and efficiency in our daily lives, and yet without proper balance, they can cultivate a whole set of other physical and psychological afflictions never experienced before.

The Lone Ranger Mom

I went to a party a few weeks ago for a retiring elementary school teacher where I met several other teachers and the president of our school's PTO (Parent-Teacher Organization).

I was especially happy to meet the PTO President. Almost immediately, I asked her if she'd be interested in supporting a Screen-Free Week campaign at our school next year. Fortunately, she loved the idea, and it looks like I've taken the first step in seeing that local event realized in the spring of 2013!

I also had an interesting conversation with another parent and a school counselor. The mother bemoaned that her seventh grade son keeps badgering her for a TV in his room. He argues that all of his friends have TVs in their rooms, so why can't he? So far, she has not allowed it. But the squabbles continue.

The school counselor sympathized, citing the strong affinity that kids have for their own devices. She acknowledged that one of the toughest argument for a parent to stand up to is the old "But Johnny's parents let him do it" or "Jimmy's parents don't have any rules about it."

I guess I'm lucky. I haven't had any similar arguments with my kids. I have young elementary school kids who don't ask for devices. I haven't yet introduced them to many video games or an iPad. They each have an mp3 player, but I only put a few songs on them, and the girls don't know that you can download any song imaginable. Personal devices aren't allowed in school, so they've also had limited exposure to them outside of the home. (Even though they aren't allowed, my daughter's second grade teacher had to reprimand class parents twice this year for letting students bring phones to school.)

But I'm not naive. Eventually my kids will want a phone or other device to feel connected with their friends, and I can understand that. So soon it'll be time to consider our household rules regarding devices. Will I let my kids bring their cell phones to the dinner table? Take their cell phones to bed with them? Let them have a TV in their bedroom? I hope the answer to these questions is no.

There's a good chance that my kids will grumble because their friends don't have similar household rules. Several studies indicate that a lot of kids have a TV in their bedroom: 42% of kids ages 0-8 (Common Sense Media), 67% of kids ages 2-13 (Clinical Pediatrics), and as many as 70% of third-graders have a TV in their room (New York Times). To add to this, only 30% of kids have media rules in the home. In the face of these stats, and stats on other key family media issues, parents who say "no" may feel like the Lone Ranger.

For me, that's OK; I've never aspired to be the popular girl anyway. I may be on the road less traveled, but I do know this: Although I make a lot of mistakes as a parent, keeping my young girls relatively free from excessive amounts of TV, movies, and games is something that I'm convinced is the right thing to do.

In time, my kids will be introduced to more media and their own personal devices. But first I want them to learn that it's OK to be bored, and that they're creative enough to find something to play. I want them to be active. I also want them to be mature enough to understand the pros and cons of it all, to never assume that we have to embrace each value put forth by the mainstream media, tech developers, or other parents.

And hopefully, with open communication and clear expectations, the transition will be an easy one for all of us.

Or I may be in for a big surprise.

Sherry Turkle's Message to Families

Sherry Turkle
Photo: Richard Howard,
MIT Spectrum

I have a new favorite person: Sherry Turkle. She's a sociologist and psychologist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, directing the MIT Initiative on Technology and Self.

Author of the thought-provoking book called Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other, Dr. Turkle has spent years studying the interaction between computers and people, or as she calls it, "the subjective side of technology." She's also been featured in news and media outlets a lot lately (see a partial article list below).

I believe parents should evaluate their priorities and determine if technology is helping - or interfering - with what's really important for their families.  Dr. Turkle's research and messages put substance behind the value of doing this. Last night, I listened to a recording of an interview with Sherry Turkle by Krista Tippitt with the "On Being" program through American Public Media. There were so many wonderful takeaways for parents.

Dr. Turkle encourages everyone, including parents, to have "sacred spaces" in the home for technology. As I interpret it, families should have a place where the cell phones, lap tops and other devices are not allowed. For instance, the dinner table, which is one place your family should not have to "compete with the roar of the Internet" for your attention.

Photo: Lauren Randolph/Flickr
from "Alive Enough?
Reflecting on Our Technology"

She challenges parents to put down their phones for a few minutes to take their children to the park or the coffee shop, and give them undivided attention. Watch them attentively as they "perform" for you at the playground, climbing on equipment and hoping you'll notice them. Look them in the eye when they get off the bus at school, and listen when they want to tell you about their day.

Teach your kids how to be alone, to appreciate times of solitude when they aren't connected to people through devices . She says, "If you don’t teach your children how to be alone, they only know how to be lonely.”

I'm guilty. I carry my phone everywhere, check my email too frequently (in an effort to keep my inbox under control), and yes, at times it does interfere with my communication with my kids. My husband and I definitely let it interfere with our connection. But kids deserve a meaningful connection with their parents, and moreover, they're learning from our modeled behavior. They'll get their own phones soon enough, and I don't want to compete with the gadgets for attention and connection with my kids.

Dr. Turkle is performing a wonderful public service through her work. I hope her messages will be taken to heart within our families.


More interviews and articles featuring Sherry Turkle:

Alone Together: So Busy Communicating We Neglect Each Other, MIT Spectrum
The Flight from Conversation, New York Times
Mobile Devices Offer 'Seductive' Fantasy, a video clip at CNN.com
Sherry Turkle: Connected, but Alone?, video at TED.com

What is an Active Couch Potato?

Kevin Mingora
Allentown Morning Call, MCT

According to Office-Ergo.com, a portal for information on office ergonomics, active couch potatoes are "exercisers who sit most of the day." Americans sit for an average of eight hours a day (working at our computers, for instance), with some of us running off to the gym for a daily workout. While the exercise may improve our overall fitness, it doesn't cancel out certain negative health effects caused by sitting.

Those negative health effects can be summarized as a kind of "metabolic syndrome," in which certain cellular enzymes that metabolize fats and sugars become inactive when we sit for 60 to 90 minutes. The result: "lack of movement and low enzyme activity contribute to weight gain, diabetes and a reduction in HDL- the good cholesterol."

Studies show impact of prolonged sitting

In a recent New York Times blog post called "Meet the Active Couch Potato," Gretchen Reynolds highlights two studies that focused on this phenomenon. In one, researchers in Australia analyzed "medical records and lifestyle questionnaires of 220,000 Australian adults 45 and over." The study found that "the more hours the men and women sat every day, the greater their chance of dying prematurely" - even if the study participants exercised.

Another study in Finland used special electromyography equipment to measure the muscle activity of volunteers. They found that overall muscle activity, and sitting time, remained relatively unchanged even when participants exercised. Reynolds writes:

Surprisingly, how much people exercised or what kind of exercise they chose did not change sitting time. Whether volunteers worked out for less than an hour or for more than 90 minutes, they spent an equivalent amount of time the rest of the day being mostly torpid physically.

According to Dr. Taija Juutinen Finni, who spearheaded the research, the results "suggest that normal exercise, which fills so few hours of even active people’s days, may not be enough in terms of health."

My story

I'm definitely an active couch potato. I used to sit in an uncomfortable office chair for up to 12 hours a day, taking rare breaks, and heading to the gym directly after work. I suffered from significant back pain that was alleviated only by taking prescription pain meds. Interestingly, my doctors never suggested that my back pain could be related to my office environment. But when I started a family and took extended maternity leave, it was clear that prolonged sitting at my computer was intricately related to my problems, as my back pain disappeared altogether (along with my gym attendance).

I'm now back at a computer and desk, and I try to exercise 30 minutes most days. While the number of sitting hours have decreased significantly compared to my original job, I still sit for large blocks of time. Of course, my back pain has returned (though thankfully not with as much severity).

Making changes

To begin breaking free of "active couch potato" status, sit in a more ergonomically correct manner. If you can't afford an ergonomic office chair, consider sitting on an exercise ball. I've found that it has helped me a great deal. (Of course, check with your doctor first.) Also, get up and move as often as possible. Standing, walking, or even moderate leg exercises at least once an hour is advised. Getting a more active job might not always be possible, but it could help.

We also need to consider the impact that sitting has on our kids, who sit for long periods of time at school and often at home. Remember, it's not enough anymore to think of prolong sitting as being back on your back, neck and shoulders. Important metabolic activities and general health is at stake, too.



For more information: 
"PhysEd: The Men Who Stare at Screens" by Gretchen Reynolds, New York Times blog post

100 Things to Do With a Toddler

Wondering what you can do with a toddler, besides turn on the TV? Sometimes a parent or caretaker could use a little inspiration to make time with a toddler more fun - and memorable.

I've had this list for so long that I can't remember where I got it. There is no author on my copy, so I can't give credit to anyone. Enjoy!

1. Color
2. Blow bubbles
3. Play Hide-and-Seek
4. Peek-a-Boo  
5. Play chase
6. Do fingerplays
7. Sing a song
8. Collect rocks in a basket
9. Make an obstacle course out of cushions and/or furniture
10. Make a fort out of cushions and sheets  
11. Go for a walk
12. Make a car out of a box
13. Read a book
14. Go to the park
15. Fingerpaint
16. Play with Play-Dough
17. Toss bean bags into a bucket
18. Play the shell and pea game  
19. Dance to music  
20. Practice putting things in and taking things out of boxes and bags  
21. Make a temporary slide out of a table leaf and your couch  
22. Roll a ball back and forth on the floor  
23. Scoop dirt or sand into a child's bucket (or use a serving spoon and bowl)  
24. Practice climbing by stacking boxes on top of each other (only with adult supervision)  
25. Put on a puppet show  
26. Go fishing with a yard stick and yarn  
27. Make a horseshoe game  
28. Make a shape puzzle  
29. Play paper basketball  
30. Run through a sprinkler  
31. Play with a bucket of water and a sponge (PLEASE WATCH CHILD AT ALL TIMES!)  
32. Make a drum out of an oatmeal box
33. Play with a kazoo  
34. Wash windows together  
35. Bang on pots and pans with a spoon  
36. Brush each other's teeth  
37. Play dress-up with stuffed animals and your child's clothes  
38. Stack canned or boxed food on top of each other  
39. Let child stack mixing bowls inside each other  
40. Make a playhouse out of a large box
41. Let child play with a sticker sheet (make sure your child doesn't eat them!)  
42. Put stickers on fingers for finger puppets  
43. Play a musical instrument together- i.e.recorder, piano, etc.  
44. Go on a smelling hunt  
45. Frost cookies
46. Plant a flower or vegetable plant together  
47. Roll a tennis ball into an empty trash can or bucket  
48. Draw on a mirror with dry-erase markers  
49. Play hide and seek together- trying to find a stuffed animal or other object  
50. Have a splash party together in the kiddie pool
51. Put a leash on a stuffed animal and walk around the house  
52. Record each other on a tape recorder (great for scrapbooks or journals!)  
53. Make and try on paper hats
54. Give a piggie back ride
55. Play "Horsie"
56. Talk into an electric fan (it distorts your voice)
57. Play tug-of-war with a blanket
58. Collect flowers (felt, artificial, real...)
59. Make a camera and go on a Safari
60. Play games with frozen juice lids
61. Disconnect your phone and pretend to make phone calls to relatives
62. Leave your phone connected and really make phone calls to relatives- let your child talk too
63. String large beads onto or along a shoelace
64. Squirt each other with squirt bottles
65. Glue shapes onto paper
66. Make sock puppets
67. Make paper puppets
68. Fill an old purse with toys
69. Use a paper towel tube as a megaphone
70. Make binoculars and go "Bird Watching" or "Stuffed Animal Watching"  
71. Put snacks in different fun containers (paper sacks, empty canisters, etc.) 
72. Act out a story from a book
73. Walk on a balance beam- use a 2x4 placed on the ground  
74. Draw with chalk on the sidewalk  
75. Sketch an outline of your child on the sidewalk or paper with chalk  
76. Paint child's palms with tempura paint and blot on paper. Makes a great card for loved ones!
77.  Put lipstick on child and kiss a mirror  
78. Make a puddle on cement and splash barefoot in it  
79. Let child decorate and eat an open peanut butter sandwich  
80. Make a toilet paper barricade for child to go under, over, or through  
81. Do the Hokey Pokey
82. Make a super-hero costume out of household items  
83. Do knee-bouncing rhymes  
84. Play "Red Light, Green Light" saying "Go" and "Stop"  
85. Make a shoebox train for stuffed animals  
86. Make a pillow pile to jump on (keep it clear from any hard surfaces, including walls!)  
87. Make an easy puzzle with felt and velcro  
88. Make bracelets or collars for stuffed animals out of pipe cleaners and jingle bells  
89. Learn numbers from a deck of cards  
90. Play the matching game with a deck of cards  
91. Make a domino chain  
92. Have a picnic in the park, backyard, or living room!  
93. Play dress up in Mommy or Daddy's clothes  
94. Make a tin cup telephone and talk to each other in it  
95. Make a nature collage  
96. Mirror each other  
97. Make a "Mummy Mommy" with toilet paper  
98. Make a tape recording of short music selections and instructions to move in different ways
99. Make and walk along a toilet paper trail  
100. TAKE A NAP!!

Facebook Plans Accounts for Kids

Facebook just can't get out of the news - and off parents' backs. The latest: the company is considering allowing children under 13 to join the mammoth social network.

Consumer Reports says that 7.5 million children under the age of 13 have an account, including five million under age 10. The Wall Street Journal conducted its own study, and found that nearly 20% of kids under age 10 use Facebook. With these numbers climbing, and with recent criticism about cyberbullying, privacy violations and the ease at which an underage child can join Facebook (just lie about your birth date), the company says it's been forced to consider exploring ways that children can join the site. According to the company, it's developing a new system to help parents better supervise accounts for kids under 13.

The Wall Street Journal had this to say about the potential changes:

"...Child advocates opposed the idea, saying that Facebook should instead focus on explaining to parents and children that the site isn't appropriate for use by children under 13.

"We don't have the proper science and social research to evaluate the potential pros and cons that social-media platforms are doing to teenagers," said James Steyer, chief executive of Common Sense Media, a child-advocacy group based in San Francisco. "The idea that you would go after this segment of the audience when there are concerns about the current audience is mind boggling."

The reason Facebook has an age minimum of 13 is that the Children's Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA) prohibits the collection of personal information from anyone under the age of 13 unless they adhere to specific FCC guidelines. It's certainly not because Facebook is thinking about the interests of a child. In fact, Mark Zuckerberg has been publicly said that he believes children under 13 should be allowed to use Facebook. The company has even admitted that it's spent $650,000 in the first quarter in lobbying related to COPPA.

No, it's all about the money. According to the Wall Street Journal, the company is pressured to continue its revenue growth.  The solution? Widen the nets; allow more people to join. The entertainment industry has been eagerly awaiting news that Facebook will allow more kids to join, no doubt because it opens a new frontier for peddling games, toys, and junk food - and for collecting marketing data.

The cynic in me fully expects that Facebook will eventually win this one. When you pit a child's well-being against the markets, it's kind of like pitting David against Goliath - without giving David a slingshot. Enough pressure, dollar bills and time will eventually erode common sense. Corporations like Facebook will hide behind their common public incantation: "It's up to the parent to decide what's best for the child," knowing full well that parents can't be everywhere at every moment, and that not every parent makes the right decision every time.

I can only hope that child advocacy organizations continue to get the funding that they deserve to raise awareness of the pitfalls that will result from these potential changes with Facebook - and with the other networks that will surely follow the social network's footsteps.

More articles on the subject, all citing the Wall Street Journal article:
Facebook Plans To End the 'No Kids Under 13' Farce (Forbes)
Facebook may let kids under 13 join with parent's help (USA Today)

Should Kids Have a TV in Their Bedrooms?

Nola Lopez / Copyright:
2008 The New York Times Company

I did a Google search for the question: Should a child have a TV in his room? The results showed that many parents are asking this question to online advisers, parent experts and peers. One site, which promotes itself as providing "clear answers" gives an decidedly gray answer: there are pros and cons to putting the tube in your child's bedroom. Curious about the pros, I read the entire article. At the end of the article was the lone "pro:" Some parents prefer to set rules and trust their children to follow them since they can't be constantly supervised.

I disagree. Sure, some kids can be trusted, but why put the temptation in front of them?

The reasons to keep the TV out of a child's bedroom are more vast and compelling. According to a New York Times article by Tara Parker-Pope, Kids with a TV in the bedroom:

• Score lower on all kinds of academic tests
• Experience more sleep problems
• Have a greater chance of being overweight
• Are at higher risk for smoking
• Read less than other kids
• Will watch more hours of TV than kids without a TV in their rooms

The article says:

Why a bedroom television appears to have such a pronounced impact is unclear. It may be that it’s a distraction during homework time or that it interferes with sleep, resulting in poorer performance at school. It could also suggest less overall parental involvement.

In spite of the evidence discouraging it, the practice continues. According to Common Sense Media, 42% of kids under age eight have a TV in their bedrooms, including 30% of babies under age one. Another study cited in the medical journal Clinical Pediatrics surveyed parents of children ages 2 to 13. The results show that "67% of all children had a TV in the room where they slept." The study also found that bedroom TVs were more prevalent in minority homes. The abstract of the study says:

The top 3 reasons parents cited for putting a TV in the room where their child sleeps were (a) to keep the child occupied so that the parent could do other things around the house, (b) to help the child sleep, and (c) to free up the other TVs so that other family members could watch their shows.

It sounds like parents don't want to be inconvenienced by missing their own television programs or by having a bored child. Whatever the reasons for putting a TV in a child's bedroom, it's time to rethink them for the health and well-being of the children.

What Facebook Knows About You

Have you posted your birth date and year to your Facebook profile? Shared the birth dates and full names of your children? Identified family members? Confessed to substance abuse or hating your job?

Do you understand Facebook's privacy controls?

Consider the following numbers - and the reasons why Facebook users might think twice about what they share, published by Consumer Reports (quoted directly):

• 4.8 million people have used Facebook to say where they planned to go on a certain day (a potential tip off for burglars).
• 4.7 million “liked” a Facebook page about health conditions or treatments (details an insurer might use against you).
• Almost 13 million users said they had never set, or didn’t know about, Facebook’s privacy tools. And 28 percent shared all, or almost all, of their wall posts with an audience wider than just their friends.
• Even if you have restricted your information to be seen by friends only, a friend who is using a Facebook app could allow your data to be transferred to a third party without your knowledge.
• U.S. online privacy laws are weaker than those of Europe and much of the world, so you have few federal rights to see and control most of the information that social networks collect about you.  
• Eleven percent of households using Facebook said they had trouble last year, ranging from someone using their log-in without permission to being harassed or threatened. That projects to 7 million households—30 percent more than last year.

According to the article, data about you is being gathered by not just Facebook, but by third-party apps and games, employers, insurers, financial institutions, college admissions departments, and even the IRS. The translation is this: sharing too much on Facebook without monitoring your privacy controls can hurt your chances of getting a new job, being accepted for health insurance, getting a loan, or getting into college. Overall it sounds like the digital version of survival of the fittest.

Consumer Reports quotes a research firm that serves financial institutions and insurers: "Our electronic trails have been digitized, formatted, standardized, analyzed and modeled, and are up for sale. As intimidating as this may sound to the individual, it is a great opportunity for businesses to use this data.”

It's clear that sharing too much and/or not using adequate privacy settings can be risky for adults. But an estimated 5.6 million kids under the age of 13 have Facebook accounts (although Facebook self-imposed a 13-and-over age minimum). It's well documented that many parents of underage kids with Facebook profiles either don't know about their child's online activities, or they know about it but do nothing. Given that young kids are even more likely to be trusting, naive and share more than their older counterparts, this could amount to problems for many kids.

Parents should be educated on Facebook's data collecting practices, know what the risks are, and more than ever, become involved in their child's online activities.

Ratings Creep and Movie Review Tools

Source: Common Sense Media

Do you feel like movies are more violent, contain more sexual content, and more profane than they used to be? Are you ever surprised by a rating? (i.e. "Wow, that really should be rated higher than G.") You're not alone. Media experts have recognized that movies contain more "mature" content than similarly rated movies just a decade ago. They call it "ratings creep."

Chelsea Clinton and James P. Steyer refer to ratings creep in their CNN.com article Is the Internet hurting children?.

[The challenges that today's kids face] also include traditional media and the phenomenon of "ratings creep" in the movies that our kids consume. Movies today -- even G-rated ones -- contain significantly more sex and violence, on average, than movies with the same rating 10 or 20 years ago.

A 2004 study by the Harvard School of Public Health found evidence that "violence, sex, and profanity increased significantly in movies between 1992 and 2003." This suggests "that the MPAA became increasingly more lenient in assigning its age-based movie ratings." The Motion Picture Association of America voluntarily assigns ratings to films to inform the public of content and age appropriateness. But the ratings appear to be non-standardized. Other organizations point out that the MPAA is biased because it is "financed and controlled by the film industry." In fact, ratings are subject to film marketing decisions and are negotiable.

The Harvard study draws some interesting conclusions that affect parents:

• Parents need to be aware of the the film industry's attempts to normalize substance abuse, including tobacco, alcohol and drugs. As of the date of the study, the use of cigarettes on camera was not listed as a ratings reason at all although 79% of all movies included representations of smoking. Additionally, 93% of all films included depictions of substance abuse, while substance abuse was listed as a ratings reason only 18% of the time.
• Parents should know that "movies with the same rating can differ significantly in the amount and types of potentially objectionable content. Age-based ratings alone do not provide good information about the depiction of violence, sex, profanity and other content, and the criteria for rating movies became less stringent over the last decade."

In a post a few months ago I cited Common Sense Media as an independent movie review system that helps parents determine which movies are right for their families.  Through reading the Harvard study, I discovered another movie review site that could be very helpful for parents: Kids-In-Mind.com.

While advocating for "responsible, engaged parenting," Kids-In-Mind.com shares objective movie reviews based on three criteria: sex/nudity, violence/gore, and profanity. It makes no judgements about what is right or wrong; it just shares the facts about what a movie watcher will experience in a movie.

I tested the site. I looked at the reviews of a few movies I've already seen and the reviews were accurate. In fact, the reviews included information that I missed while watching the movie. While the site contains reviews of what looks like hundreds of movies, not all movies are covered. I didn't find one that my kids particularly like: Marley and Me: The Puppy Years. I'm interested in how that movie would score.

I should note that Kids-In-Mind is fraught with advertisements. The organization claims it needs the ads for revenue, and they have no control over the content of the ads. (Ironically, a Spider Man ad popped up for me when using the site.) Those that sign up as members of the site for $25 per year get an ad-free version to use.  I should also note that the site is run by a for-profit company called Critics, Inc. What this all means, I don't know. But at first glance it seems like a thorough, reliable, and useful tool for parents, and the more tools we have to make informed decisions for our families, the better off our kids will be.

Sleep Texting and Teens

Astrographics.com

Texting while driving, sexting, and coded secret messages are plenty for parents to worry about when it comes to their teenagers and their cell phones. And according to WebMD the Magazine, there is a new dubious texting behavior.

Teens are sleep-texting.

Much like sleepwalking to the refrigerator for a midnight snack without remembering leaving bed, teens are sending text messages at night without knowing they are doing it.

Health care professionals are concerned because sending or receiving these nighttime texts interferes with a teen's quality of sleep. Although teenagers need a minimum of nine hours of sleep, they don't usually get it because of biological changes and lifestyles. Further, "sleep problems among this age group are linked to obesity, high blood pressure, depression, behavioral problems, and drug abuse." Sleep problems at this age can even extend into health issues into adulthood.

The article cites the Kaiser Family Foundation's study that found that teens spend "an average of 53 hours per week engaged with some form of electronic media," which translates to seven hours a day. Another study indicates that teens send an average of 100 daily cell phone texts. And if texting occurs in the nighttime hours, it can interfere with a good night's sleep.

A 2010 report by the Pew Internet & American Life Center says that "four in five teens sleep with their phone in their bed." One reason for this is that a phone can serve as a clock or an alarm. However, the biggest driver for taking a phone into bed is for the texting capabilities. "Teens who use their cell phones to text are 42% more likely to sleep with their phones than teens that do not text."

What Can You Do?

The WebMD article's author, Michael J. Breus, PhD, ABSM recommends a "tech detox" to help improve sleep quality for teens. He recommends parents set boundaries for using electronic media (approximately only 30% of teenagers have rules at home for this); encourage outdoor activities and exercise to improve sleep quality and put distance between your teen and their electronic distractions; and perhaps most importantly, don't permit electronics in the bedroom.

Tough Laws for Sexting

Reuters via FoxNews.com

A 2009 survey by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children found that:

• 19% of teens surveyed had sent, received, or forwarded sexually suggestive nude or nearly nude photos through text message or e-mail.
• Of the teens surveyed who had engaged in “sexting,” 60% sent the photos to a boyfriend/girlfriend
• 11% sent them to someone they did not know

That was then. Could numbers are higher in 2012?

Sending sexually explicit photos can lead to a lifetime of embarrassment and shame, and possibly even graver consequences. Some teens have resorted to suicide after nude photos of themselves were leaked to the students in their school. FoxNews.com summarizes two of these sad stories:

- In Ohio, 18-year-old Jessica Logan hanged herself in the bedroom of her Cincinnati home in July 2009, after her boyfriend forwarded a nude photo she sent him to pals. The image got passed along to more and more people until hundreds of students at at least seven area schools received it.
- In Tampa, 13-year-old Hope Witsell killed herself after a sexted photo of herself got sent around her middle school. Her death followed daily harassment from classmates who called her "whore" and "slut." School authorities reacted to the incident by suspending Hope for the first week of eighth grade. Like Jessica Logan, she hanged herself in her bedroom.

Now state and local governments are working to curb sexting. Police in Belmont, North Carolina are providing educational sessions on the dangers of sexting and social media. In North Carolina, using your smart phone to send, or receive and keep, a sexually explicit photo on your phone can lead to a conviction as a sex offender, charge them with child pornography, and time spent in jail.

Legislators in New Hampshire and South Carolina are proposing new bills that make sexting a criminal act separate from child pornography crimes. Those who oppose new laws against sexting say that punishments for these acts go too far, and can ruin a young life for years to come.

Regardless of the personal or legal consequences, teens need to know what can happen if they send, receive or forward sexually explicit messages, photos or videos. Open communication with parents can be the first line of defense against being a victim or perpetrator.

Common Sense Media offers advice to parents on the issue (quoted directly from the site):

• Don’t wait for an incident to happen to your child or your child’s friend before you talk about the consequences of sexting.
• Remind your kids that once an image is sent, it can never be retrieved -- and they will lose control of it.
• Talk about pressures to send revealing photos
• Teach your children that the buck stops with them. If someone sends them a photo, they should delete it immediately. It’s better to be part of the solution than the problem. Besides, if they do send it on, they're distributing pornography -- and that’s against the law.
• Check out ThatsNotCool.com. It’s a fabulous site that gives kids the language and support to take texting and cell phone power back into their own hands. It’s also a great resource for parents who are uncomfortable dealing directly with this issue.

From Tooth Fairy to Smart Phone

I have a beef with the tooth fairy. Yes, the sweet little fairy who flutters around at night, doling out cash to little kids who have lost their teeth.

When my oldest child lost her first tooth, the family was excited for the fairy's inaugural visit to our home. While my daughter slept, I carefully considered what I thought was an appropriate amount for the tooth fairy to bring in the year 2010. If I got a quarter per tooth back in the early 80s, wasn't a dollar bill plenty? Yes, at an increase of 400% in 30 years, a single was certainly very generous of the tooth fairy.

When my daughter awoke the next morning, she found a crumpled dollar bill under her pillow. But there were no cries of joy. Just crying. Astounded, I quickly rushed to her side. What's wrong? I asked. She responded that the tooth fairy must not like her as much as Sally (real name withheld).

You see, Sally told my daughter that she got a twenty dollar bill for her first tooth.

And not only that, but Johnny says he routinely gets twenty dollars for each of his teeth. And Susie even claims she once got a cool fifty dollars for her left incisor.

Now, it could be that the first graders were telling fibs, and one fib compelled the other kids to join in. But our school district does include very privileged neighborhoods, and it's possible that Sally, Johnny and Susie were telling the truth.

I did my best to explain to my daughter that the tooth fairly loves her, too, and that perhaps the other kids were exaggerating. But her visions of big bucks were dashed, and she went to school sniffling. By the way, her younger sister was crying, too, because she didn't get any money at all. It was a memorable morning and I became cynical of the whole tooth fairy ruse.

If we continue to live in this school district, we'll no doubt have bigger material problems as our kids get older. Our family is on a budget, and our kids will never be the talk of the school for their expensive clothes, big birthday bashes, or new sports car.

From Tooth Fairy to Smart Phone

As I was writing yesterday's post about phone apps that teens use to keep secrets from parents, my husband inquired about the topic du jour. He's one of the most level-headed, practical, Mars-oriented men on Earth, and his reaction was typically straightforward: Kids don't need the latest and greatest smart phones. "Just get them a phone without the ability to download apps. And don't have a text plan," he said. "The kid may be chastised for it, but it would keep him out of trouble."

This angle hadn't occurred to me, and it wasn't expressed in the cited article, either. If a parent is truly concerned about risky behavior, sharing private information, or sexting with cell phones, there are additional options beyond trying to catch them in the act. One viable option is to not provide a teenager with a cell phone that has all the bells and whistles imaginable.

Of course, cell phone technology changes at a rapid pace, and in just a few years today's smart phone could be considered a dinosaur. It may become very hard to find a phone with just the basics - the Yugo of the cell phone world. But jokes aside, whether its money from the tooth fairy or the latest smart phone, keeping up with the Joneses - or Sally, Johnny or Susie - may not always in the best interest of the child.

At least I keep telling myself that.

Phone Apps Keep Secrets from Parents

Did you know that there are apps for smart phones that that translate a phone text into a coded message, and that it can be decoded only by users that have that same app? What does this mean for parents?

Teens are using these apps, like Hidden Text, Text Free, and Text Plus, to share secret messages with each other. When parents check a teen's phone, Mom or Dad read a benign, coded message, thinking they are reading the real thing. According to a report by Charlotte's News Channel 36, teens are using these apps - which are free and easy to download - to sext each other.

Dr. Frank Gaskill of Charlotte's Southeast Psych says that one in five teens have sent nude or semi-nude photos or videos of themselves to others, and an estimated 40% of teenagers have sent sexually explicit messages.  Dr. Gaskill recommends four household rules for managing teen cell phone use:

1. He says kids should have a phone curfew, a time when they have to put their phone down for the day.
2. They should never be allowed to charge their phone in their bedroom overnight. Too risky and too secretive, he says.
3. Parents have to learn the technology their kids are using. "They can't just sit back and say, ‘I don't understand that stuff."
4. Finally, it’s all about the talk. "I'm saying have conversations with your kids starting at age five or six,” Dr. Gaskill said. And keep talking and learning, because this child psychologist knows one thing for certain: "There's a lot of apps out there…and there'll be 10 more in six months."

What's the big concern about teens sharing private and sexual material with other teens? One concern is the permanency of online posts or photos shared. Jumping to a brilliant national article by Chelsea Clinton and James Steyer, the two have this to say about young people using the Internet to share thoughts, photos and videos:

The immediacy of social media platforms, coupled with vulnerable youngsters who are socially inexperienced and not fully developed emotionally, can create a combustible mix. Kids often self-reveal before they reflect, and millions of kids say and do things they later regret. The permanence of what anyone posts online and the absence of an "eraser" button mean that the embarrassment and potential damage can last forever.

Online posts, photos and videos are permanent, and can be copied and shared with anyone. Does a teenager, whose main focus is fitting in with peers, have the maturity and sound judgement to decide what he or she is comfortable posting and sharing with the world? Can they truly trust their young friends to keep text and photos to themselves? Do they fully understand potential ramifications for sharing private or sexual material with their friends or even strangers?

And are most parents ready to contend with a continuous flood of programs that are specifically designed to help teens keep secrets from them. Or do many of us, like Dr. Gaskill claims, have our heads in the sand? The very existence of apps that are designed to keep secrets means that the onus is on us to protect our kids in ways that we may not be prepared for.

Should Toddlers Use iPads?

ZDNet, Jason D. O'Grady

It's been two years since the iPad was released, and already nearly 40% of children ages 2-4 use one or a similar device, according to Common Sense Media. Now pediatric neuroscientists, psychologists and researchers are racing to study the affects of these devices on toddlers' brain development. They worry that due to the lack of current research on the subject, the majority of the experimentation actually takes place in homes with real children as the "guinea pigs" (What Happens When Toddlers Zone Out With an iPad by Ben Worthen, Wall Street Journal)

The concern is that young brains develop at its highest pace between birth and age three, and it's possible that iPad use could interfere with the development of important neural connections. We already know that the amount of TV a child watches directly correlates with the likelihood he or she will have attention span issues. But some scientists suggest that issues related to the iPad could be even more significant, because the device is interactive and holds young children "captive" for much longer than a television screen. According to Dimitri Christakis, director of the Center for Child Health, Behavior and Development at Seattle Children's Hospital: "One of the strengths of the iPad"—it is interactive—"may be the weakness."

One way that tablets get a lock on that attention span is through a known biochemical process. Science has shown that the rewards and "exciting visuals" that apps and digital games provide cause the brain to release dopamine, a neurochemical associated with pleasure. This dopamine release encourages kids - and everyone else - to use the device longer and more frequently.

Side note: I'm actually a little confused now. I thought that one reasons experts are concerned with television watching is because a child's focus gets interrupted too often. But now I'm reading that iPads may be harmful because they don't allow for enough interruption. Is it simply that the desire to use an iPad is that much stronger than watching TV, and even more hours are consumed with the tablet? I'd love some clarification.

Anyhow, back to the article. Experts are concerned that iPad use could affect toddlers' development of decision making skills. The example given in the article compares the iPad to Legos. A child playing with Legos determines when her creation is finished. In the case of an iPad app, the app decides when the child has completed the task. It is "unclear whether this difference has any impact on a child."

On the home front, parents like the iPad because some educational apps help kids learn, and some use it as a tool to entertain children and keep them quiet. Still, parents worry that it may make their "kids more sedentary and less sociable."

Mr. Worthen concludes his article:

My wife and I stopped letting our son use the iPad. Now he rarely asks for it. He is 4 and his friends aren't talking about cool iPad games, so he doesn't feel he's missing out.

When it comes to toddlers, this is such a good rule of thumb. If they don't know what they're missing, and they're just as happy without it, why let them use it? I doubt they'll be less tech-savvy or academically prepared than their peers if parents postpone the use of devices like the iPad until they have a chance to develop more. What's the magic age? I don't know. I'm not an expert, but my gut says that a toddler may just be too young.

Other articles on iPad and toddlers:

• Parenting by iPad; Godsend or iBribery? by Jason D. O'Grady, ZDNet

• Parent Debate: Do iPads and Smartphones Really Teach Toddlers to Read? by Becky Worley, ABC News

The Trouble with Earbuds

My "Tech Teacher Interview" with Julie King this week gave me some new article ideas. One of Julie's recommendations for parents is to put a limit to kids' earbud use. She says:

"I would...suggest that parents discourage constant earbud use. While parents may not want to listen to their kids music of choice, when kids pick up the habit of popping earbuds in often it's easy to miss lots of opportunities to connect."

I thought that was beautifully stated. Just like the constant use of computers or smart phones can hamper meaningful one-on-one communication, we can close off ourselves with persistent use of iPods and mp3 player.

William Clark, a leading audiologist at Washington University in St. Louis says that people sometimes have their earbuds in all day long (See Kids' Use of Earbuds Worries Hearing Experts, NPR). And that can be a problem, not just because of missed communication opportunities, but also because of hearing concerns. Audiologists have several recommendations for earbud use:

• Limit earphone listening to an hour a day, at a setting no greater than six on a 10-notch scale.

• If someone can hear earphone "leakage" from several feet away, it is probably too loud.

• If someone has ringing in the ears or a feeling of fullness in the ear, or if speech sounds muffled after a listening session, the music was too loud.

I've also read that it's safer for kids to use traditional headphones rather than earbuds. See an MSNBC article for alternatives that might be kinder to children's ears.

Problems with hearing often worsen slowly, so it's hard to pinpoint the effects of exposure to loud noises through earbuds or by other means. However, Clark says that "the ravages of other exposures plus normal aging will contribute to an accelerated hearing loss when today's kids are in their 50s and 60s."

Last winter I took my kids roller skating for the first time. We had a blast, although the music in the skating rink was loud. Very, very loud, the kind of loud that makes your ears ache and ring. The next time I took the girls skating, I brought ear plugs for everyone. My kids grumbled a little bit and my husband called me "granny," but they all got used to it, and I think they probably appreciated it in the end.

Julie King's suggestion to discourage earbuds might be met with some initial resistance too, but if parents are consistent and clear about their rules, kids will get used to it, and maybe one day appreciate their parents for taking a stand.

Eat More Chocolate? Depends on the Screensaver

Sculpture by
Alberto Giacometti

Nutrition Action Healthletter is a publication of the Center for Science in the Public Interest that my husband and I have enjoyed for several years. CSPI is a "nonprofit health-advocacy group...[that] mounts educational programs and presses for changes in government and corporate policies."

The group pushes for guidelines that protect kids from harmful junk food advertising. (See my April post for more information about that topic.) They've also developed a smartphone app called "Chemical Cuisine" that provides the "latest information about all the common food additives, and rates their risks to the entire population or vulnerable groups." You can get the app from the iTunes or Android market for 99 cents, according to the group's web site.

Painting by Mark Rothko

The newest edition of the magazine cites an interesting study that uses computers and screensavers as an independent variable. The research relates to decision making and eating habits, but it also exemplifies a basic way that computers can interact with people and their cognitive processes.

Researchers counted the number of chocolate pieces that people ate while in a room with just a computer and screensaver (Appetite 58: 1109, 2012). People were asked to sit in a room with a bowl of chocolates for five minutes. Those that were in the room with a screensaver showing an image of a thin human sculpture by Alberto Giacometti averaged 4.7 chocolates eaten, while those that were exposed to the screen saver showing an image by painter Mark Rothko ate 6.4 chocolates. Most participants claimed they didn't even notice the computer or screensaver in the room.

It seems that subtle cues can persuade us to eat more. I would argue that subtle environmental cues can persuade us to do a lot of things. It would be interesting to see similar studies that research other human habits, like interpersonal communication and buying habits. Visual images and cues matter, even when they are not a focal point.

Office Ergonomics: Thoughts from an Active Couch Potato

Is this the solution? We could
put one of these in our bedroom.
According to my hubby,
"It looks great, but how do you
get out of it?"

As I write this post on ergonomics, it's not hard to see why the topic is weighing heavily on my mind. I'm sitting on a blue exercise ball, hoping for back pain relief. I'm hunched over my laptop at the dining room table, squinting at the screen. I work from home but I don't have an office. Today I've worked while sitting on patio furniture, kitchen bar stools and formal dining room chairs. Although I took a break to exercise on my garage sale elliptical machine, it wasn't enough; my back and shoulders are killing me. (Insert sad violin music here.)

My husband works from home, too. He doesn't have a formal office, either. He sits at a proper desk, but it's in our bedroom, and his chair is too tall to fit under the desk. He hunches over, too. Today he had an 8:30 am physical therapy appointment to help rehabilitate a painful shoulder. I'm convinced his shoulder problems are related to his workstation.

There is so much information on the web about office ergonomics and computer-related injuries that it was hard to decide who to reference. I settled on Office-Ergo.com, which is an information web site by ErgoAdvocate, an "Ergonomics Program Management Solution" for corporations. Office-Ergo claims to be "one of the oldest and most visited office ergonomics web sites on the web."

According to the site, there are important differences between office ergonomics and industrial ergonomics. The former centralizes around the computer and long periods of sitting at a desk. "The principles are the same," says the organization, "but there are so many subtle differences and different products used in office ergonomics that we believe it’s best to specialize."

There is a long list of hazards related to large volumes of computer use, including eye strain, repetitive stress injuries, carpal tunnel syndrome, and generalized pain in the neck, shoulder, trunk, back, hand, wrist and arm. (While doing research for this post, I even read a few articles that warned of the hazards of tripping over computer wires.)

That's a long list of potential injuries, but let's not forget about "sitting disease," which is a catchy phrase for problems related to office workers (and kids, too) who sit at our computers all day. According to Office-Ergo, many of us now sit for as many as 15 hours a day. Compare that with our ancestors, who hunted and gathered by walking or running six to twelve miles per day, or those that had to actively farm for their food! Some other interesting points about jobs that require large blocks of chair time (quoted from the web site):

• It is estimated that half of all jobs in western society are computer-based. 
• Sitting is harder on your back than standing.
• Sitting disease or more accurately, metabolic syndrome, is a condition where the Lipoprotein Lipase enzymes in the blood vessels essentially go to sleep after 60 – 90 minutes of inactivity.
• An hour of daily exercise won’t counteract the negative health effects of sitting. Running, biking and other types of exercise are great for improving fitness, but they don’t counteract the negative health effects of prolonged sitting. Exercisers who sit most of the day are known as active couch potatoes. (Yes, that describes me!)
• You need to stand and move each hour or more to maintain health.

My husband and I could get up and walk or stretch more during the day. But when it comes to body aches and pains, what is keeping us from making needed changes to our office furniture? One word: finances. Do we move into a bigger, and more expensive, house so we can accommodate improved home offices? Do we splurge on an ergonomic consultant, chairs and desks that are more friendly to our bodies? Because the cost for such changes would come out of our own pockets, we're arguably at a disadvantage. However, most people who work in a traditional office probably don't have access to ergonomic environments, either. One size office chair or desk does not fit all, and most large companies probably prefer to buy furniture in bulk.

That's enough for now. I need to go to bed in our office-slash-master bedroom, the blue light of our wireless modem staring at me, and the hum of the television cable box lulling me to sleep.

Tech Teacher Interview: Julie King

Photo courtesy of
Julie King, ESK

I'm starting an interview series with teachers to share their expert insight into the impact of technology on kids and families - good and bad. The first interview is with Julie King, the technology teacher at The Episcopal School of Knoxville (ESK) in Tennessee, a private K-8 school. Julie is an IT specialist, elementary technology instructor, and a parent! In the interview below, I've taken the liberty to highlight a few important points of my conversation with Julie.

Q: What are your concerns with young learners and technology (if any)?

A: The most important thing is to make sure that the technology kids are using is interactive.  It's easy, with iPads and other tools, to let students become passive users.  Parents and teachers need to choose apps and activities that encourage kids to actively engage, create, and build their problem-solving skills.

Q: How is technology benefiting kids?

A: Technology is particularly helpful in letting children move through learning at their own pace.  TV shows and DVDs move at a prescribed pace - often interrupted by ads.  Well-designed instructional technology is ad-free and lets students practice as long as they need before moving on to more challenging material.

Q: Do you endorse any program for managing technology in the home and educating kids about online safety?

A: At ESK we provide filtered internet access. Parents can do the same at home with tools like NetNanny or OpenDNS. There is no substitute, though, for ongoing conversations with your children about online environments, regardless of age. Even elementary school students can understand that being online is like being in the middle of a big city. They never know who will be in the same space they are. Children should know that the best thing to do when they encounter something or someone they're not sure about is to tell an adult - a parent if home, or a teacher at school. There are many resources (like Netsmartz Kids) online to help parents teach children about safe internet use.

One helpful tip I've picked up is for families to institute a digital curfew. At a specific time in the evening, all devices are turned in. This gives parents the chance to check on their kids' computers to make sure critical material is being backed up, antivirus is running etc., and keep an eye on the apps and games their children are using. It also helps kids understand that there is a time and place for technology. There are also times and places for playing with the dogs, throwing a frisbee, reading and drawing! Disconnecting a couple of hours before bedtime helps kids begin to wind down and their minds prepare for sleep. I would also suggest that parents discourage constant earbud use. While parents may not want to listen to their kids music of choice, when kids pick up the habit of popping earbuds in often it's easy to miss lots of opportunities to connect.

Q: What do you teach children in your classes?

At ESK, our technology program's philosophy centers on three themes - adapt, collaborate, innovate. In a world where the technology students will use changes on nearly a weekly basis, the ability to transfer skills across platforms becomes critical. It may sound daunting, but today's kids are already wired for it. The day I watched my then-10-year old son and his friend set up a Wii and PS2 without help in the beach house we were visiting, I realized using multiple operating systems and tools comes pretty naturally to them.

When children use technology to connect with others, be it in their classroom or around the world, they expand their own horizons. Just last week, one of our classes Skyped with students in Central America. Innovation is the most important goal, and builds on the others. Once students know how to learn, and can assimilate ideas from others, they're ready to create something all their own. Innovation and problem-solving are skills so important to today's world - and tomorrow's careers.

Technology integration in school is always most effective when it is based on the mission and curriculum of the school. If not, it can become "technology for technology's sake" or pursuit of the latest/coolest tool. That's where the involvement and professional development of classroom teachers is fundamental to the success of technology in any learning environment. I think it's important that teachers know technology is only one piece of an amazing classroom. It's only successful when founded on strong pedagogy and a passion for engaging students. 


Thanks to Julie King with The Episcopal School of Knoxville for sharing your expert advice with parents! Please see ESK's web site for more information about the school's technology department, policies and tech summer camp.