Why Some Resist Facebook

Facebook has been in the news a lot in recent days. The IPO, Mark Zuckerberg's wedding, and analyses of how it interacts with our psyches (i.e. Stephen Marche's "Loneliness" article in the Atlantic Monthly). The sheer enormity of the social network - 900 million people use Facebook - is so staggering that those that choose not to use it have become objects of curiosity. What would possibly cause a reported two out of five American adults to actually resist Facebook?

Surely Facebook holdouts must be peculiar, social hermits, or just old and out of touch. Actually, sometimes it's none of the above. According to an AP article by Anick Jesdanun, there are many reasons why adults opt out. An AP-CNBC poll reveals that the reasons for resisting Facebook include:

* A generational difference. Although they may not be adverse to computers, some older adults are satisfied with their social lives and don't have the drive to connect with new social groups in the same way their younger counterparts do.
* Economic and educational status. Lower income populations are less likely to use Facebook, sometimes because they don't have computers or Internet access. Those without college degrees are also less likely to use the social network.
* Privacy concerns. "Women who choose to skip Facebook are more likely than men to cite privacy issues."
* A general dislike of Facebook.

One further bit of information about the makeup of a Facebook resister. According to Steve Jones, a professor at the University of Illinois at Chicago:

Many resisters consider Facebook to be too much of a chore. We've added social networking to our lives. We haven't added any hours to our days... the decision to be online on Facebook is simultaneously a decision not to be doing something else.

Amen to that.

When Religion and the Internet Clash

Hutterite children praying
Photo by Annie Griffiths Belt for
National Geographic

While Internet-linked computers and digital devices have effortlessly made their way into mainstream homes around the world, several religious and cultural communities are fighting against them as a threat to their foundational beliefs.

Tonight an orthodox Jewish rally is scheduled to convene at Citi Field, the Mets baseball stadium in New York City. The topic of the rally: "the dangers of the Internet, and how to use it in a religiously responsible way." (New York Times) The group sold so many tickets that they rented the nearby Arthur Ashe tennis stadium to accommodate more attendees. The religion heavily segregates the sexes, so women attended the rally via teleconference in schools and other public places.

According to the New York Times article by Sharon Otterman:

Speakers at the rally in Queens will not seek to ban the Internet, but rather to raise awareness about how, unmonitored, it poses a grave risk to the community, said Eytan Kobre, a spokesman for the organizers. The risk, he said, comes not only from pornography, but also from social media and the addictive pull of the Internet, which can limit human interaction, reading and study.

In Lakewood, New York, Orthodox Jewish schools and synagogues already prohibit children and high school students from using the Internet, and adult use requires a rabbi's approval.

Other religious groups have been in the media for their clashes with the digital world. Next week the National Geographic channel will air a new reality series featuring a Hutterite colony in Montana. According to the series web site:

Most of the colony is holding tight to the age-old traditions of their ancestors, while others are flirting with modern society. Some feel that bringing modern technology, education, and ideas into the colony will only help it, while others fear that this modern way of thinking threatens their very existence.

By allowing television cameras to film their everyday lives, it seems that some Hutterites don't have as strong convictions against intermingling with modern society as Orthodox Jews. Maybe they're getting paid a fortune to share their way of life with the world, and the temptation was too great for even community leaders. I'm curious.

Religions of all kinds have long valued a disconnection with the rest of the world. But as the Internet and new digital devices are "shrinking" the world by improving communication between people all over the globe, it is also making it easier for religious members to mix with and be tempted by outside influences. My guess is that these ways of life have never been challenged to this extent. I wonder if over time we'll see a softening of separatist religious beliefs and a general fusing of many cultures. Sociologists have probably already documented and written about it. Maintaining a way of life and a moral tradition has got to be of great concern to some religious leaders, and as the New York Orthodox Jews are doing, they are rallying, educating their followers, and fighting to keep the outside world from creeping in.

Thank You...for Using Cell Phones

One of my favorite movies is Thank You For Smoking (based on a book by Christopher Buckley and rated R - so definitely for grownups).

If you haven't seen the movie, it's a satire featuring a guy who is chief PR spokesperson for the floundering tobacco industry. It's a hard job, but Nick Naylor (played by Aaron Eckhart) is a master at spin, at avoiding his own conscious, and rationalizing his career to his questioning young son.

Without spoiling the ending, in the last scene, Nick ends up in a conference room as a valued adviser to lobbyists of the cell phone industry, who are worried because research is showing a link between their products and brain cancer. The not-so-subtle message is this: We all know that smoking is bad for your health. Will cell phones one day share the dubious stage with cigarettes?

While acknowledging that Thank You For Smoking is fictitious, some worry that cell phone usage is truly harmful. According to the Environmental Working Group, the city of San Francisco recently passed a right-to-know ordinance, "making it the first city in the nation to require cell phone radiation disclosure at the point of sale." The Cellular Telecommunications Industry Association (CTIA), which opposes radiation disclosure, yanked its annual conference out of San Francisco and filed a lawsuit against the city. Now the city of Burlingame, California is considering a similar right-to-know ordinance.

The EWG maintains a cell phone radiation database, which ranks the phones according to radiation emissions. According to the group:

Recent studies find significantly higher risks for brain and salivary gland tumors among people who have used cell phones for 10 years or longer. The state of the science is provocative and troubling, and much more research is essential.

I looked up my HTC Droid Incredible, and its one of the worst offenders on the EWG list. I use my cell phone for a large part of my work week (I don't have a telephone land line), so this information makes me squirm. Since research is still pending, it could be that there are no health risks associated with cell phones; perhaps long-term cell phone users are also exposed to other hazards. But do I want to take that chance for me or my kids? It doesn't seem likely that I'll give up my cell phone.What's a girl to do?

I'm going to buy a head set for my cell phone this morning at our local gadget store. And I'll consider spending an extra $30 per month at an old-fashioned land line. If I do, am I succumbing to environmental paranoia and throwing away money, as some of my family members would suggest?  And if I don't, am I taking unnecessary risks with my health? I'm not sure what to believe.

Protecting Kids: The Environmental Angle

Source: Environmental Working Group

The stated topic of this blog is "exploring the interaction of the media, technology and families." Today I'm deviating from the media and technology angle while sharing something of great importance to families. 

Here is a video from the Environmental Working Group, a non-profit organization that uses "the power of public information to protect public health and the environment." It's relatively long for a web video (about 22 minutes...so grab some popcorn and a soda), but it's disturbing and enlightening, and something that parents and grandparents should see. The premise of the video is to show that "industrial pollution begins in the womb," and it encourages citizens to support legislation that requires chemicals to be proven safe for children before they are allowed into the market. That is, new chemicals should be guilty until proven innocent, rather than the other way around as they have been for over 30 years.

EWG also provides a lot of information about which toxic chemicals are found in the products that we use every day in our homes and on our bodies, like cleaners, cosmetics and sunscreens. The group has also published a stance on foods marketed to children; for more on this see last month's post on this topic. Here is a compelling statement by the EWG as it relates to toxic chemicals and children:

We are at a tipping point, where the pollution in people is increasingly associated with a range of serious diseases and conditions from childhood cancer to autism, ADHD, learning deficits, infertility and birth defects. Yet even as our knowledge about the links between chemical exposure and human disease grows, the government has almost no authority to protect people from even the most hazardous chemicals on the market.

Like the organizations I follow that fight to keep commercialism out of schools or work for a safer Internet, EWG asks for our support for environmental concerns: shaping public policy, adopting legislation, signing petitions, and donating financially. I'm thankful that these groups exist to "organize the troops," but I wish it wasn't so hard for them to do their job of protecting the public.

I don't plan to delve into environmental topics too often on this blog, but again, this is too important not to share.

Defending Your Online Reputation

This morning I wanted to write about "personal branding." I originally thought I would look at this new phenomenon and marketing buzzword as a potential outlet for narcissism and self-preoccupation. Then I came across an interesting article that showed me the flip side of the coin.

Could it be that you should monitor your personal brand because you need to defend your online reputation?

Like it or not, it's becoming ever easier for anyone to find your history and background using online searches. What happens if an ex-boyfriend or jealous friend with a grudge posts something negative about you or your child? A permanent online record is created, and prospective employers, teachers, friends and family members could one day stumble upon it.

Vanessa Van Petten writes RadicalParenting.com and a CNN.com column, and is a "youthologist" that speaks to groups "about family relationships, teen lifestyles, advertising to Net-Generation and many other issues pertaining to Gen Y." She wrote an article called Personal Branding for Teens: 7 Steps to Teach and Learn It. She says:

Youth should...be thinking about their personal branding the sense of how they are managing their reputation and how others perceive them... Just like teens want to know who is talking about them behind their back, you have to stay on top of what is being said or posted about you online. 

Yikes. I had a hard enough time trying to manage verbal rumors back in the late 80s/early 90s. Now kids have to deal with protecting their online reputations. Its as if parents and teens need to become their own public relations operation, and not just for keeping up appearances, but for keeping dirt off the record.

Van Petten advises that parents teach teens what kinds of personal information should never be shared online. They should setup a Google Alert using their own name as search criteria so they can see what is being said about them online. Manage and defend your reputation soon after something negative goes public. One way to do so is by using ReputationDefender, an online service that can help buffer messages that threaten your good name. Of course, there are also workshops for schools and families that can help train teens and their parents protect their reputation.

As a teenager, I would have wanted to avoid what was being said about me online. I'd have the urge to take the path that many celebrities do: avoid any news about myself. If I did see something negative about me, it would have been hard to handle. I was a teenager with very thin skin, as is typical of many young people. I actually feel sorry for teenagers today for having to think about their reputation in such detail.

This is where teaching digital citizenship to young kids and teens is so valuable. Such education could help prevent some uncomfortable or malicious messages from going permanently public. We should build a foundation early enough with children so they begin to think about how their online actions can affect others.

I'll close my post with a quote attributed to Scott Monty of Ford Motor Company: "Whatever happens in Vegas...stays on Google."

Personal message to Ms. Van Petten: You may see this post because you use Google Alert. I enjoyed your article very much. Your reputation is safe with me.

School Newsletter: Please Limit Screen Time

Yesterday our elementary school newsletter came home in my children's folders. I was pleased to see a small paragraph suggesting parents limit screen time this spring and summer. Part of the paragraph says:

Screen time is not just TV. It includes watching DVDs, playing video games, browsing the Internet, or otherwise playing on the computer. All that time in front of a screen crowds out time for regular physical activity, and experts say that children should get at least 60 or more minutes of activity every day.

I recently approached the principal about sending home information about Screen-Free Week to all students. Admittedly, I was too late to get anything organized, and we agreed that we would review the subject next year. I don't know if talking to him inspired the article in the newsletter, but it gave me an idea.

If you're interested in encouraging parents to limit screen time for kids, talk to your principal, parent-teacher organization (PTO) leaders, or teacher about sharing information in the school newsletter, on the school web site, or other in publications. I'll even write the paragraph(s) for you - just email me at parenttechorg at gmail.com! Talking with school leaders about encouraging screen time management in the home is a fairly easy thing to do, and it may motivate some parents in your community to decrease family screen time and increase their kids' physical activity and imaginative play.

Graphing Baby: New Apps for Parents

Sleep Telemetry chart by Trixie Tracker

Shortly after my first child was born, I discovered a web site called The Trixie Update. Here a stay-at-home dad (Ben MacNeill) shared updates of his baby (Trixie), including everything from exact sleep and wake hours to the number of diaper changes. Although I read a lot of books prior to the arrival of my daughter, she was born with some complications that threw me for a loop, and in the end I felt wholly unprepared. As I tried to keep track of feedings, sleep schedules and diaper changes on my own in Excel, I was entertained by the data points and graphs that Mr. MacNeill produced by vigilantly recording his baby's activities. The Trixie Update gave me a sense that I wasn't alone in this new world of parenthood.

That was 2004. Mr. MacNeill has since launched an app that helps all parents keep track of their baby's activities. Called The Trixie Tracker, the product web site says that "Our parents and caregivers have recorded 3.5 million naps, diapers and bottles."

The Trixie Tracker was recently featured in an article called The Data-Driven Parent in The Atlantic Monthly (by Mya Frazier). This and other products, like Baby Connect, Total Baby, Baby Log, iBabyLog, Evoz, and the Bedtime app by Johnson's Baby, have made "parenthood a more quantifiable, science-based endeavor. Forthcoming versions of baby-data apps are poised to bring even more dramatic change, allowing parents to compare their child with other children in great detail."

By using these products, parents can compare their baby's stats with those of thousands of other babies. It can bring relief to overwhelmed parents when they see that their baby falls in the middle of the curve. As Frazier says, "What remains to be seen is whether this new trove of information will reduce the anxieties of early parenthood or, by allowing constant, nervous comparisons, bring them into sharper relief."

One question that I have about these products is the level of privacy that they can afford. No doubt some of them have a way to connect to social networking sites to share baby's information with the world. And parents need to thoughtfully consider what kind of record (if any) that they want to create and share when it comes to their child.

Now that I'm an experienced parent, I realize that I could have relaxed a lot more, and that I did just fine without graphing my child. But had these products been around when my children were babies, I probably would have used one of them. Perhaps tracking diaper changes and feedings would have given me the sense that I was doing something that could help identify causes for concern early when in truth I often felt helpless. And it might have given me a small sense of community with other parents that I didn't have before. Of course, nothing could have replaced my meetups with other new parents and good old-fashioned advice from Grandma.

Facebook and Your Baby: The Oversharing Dilemma

Kudos to Steven Leckart for his Wall Street Journal article entitled, "The Facebook-Free Baby." Leckart questions the practice of parents "oversharing" information about their babies and young kids, and chooses not to share photos of his young son publicly. He writes:

Two decades ago, parents began registering domains named for their kids. Today, they register Facebook profiles for their unborn children, and even write status updates in first person. Similarly, parents set up Twitter accounts for their infants, and send tweets on their baby's behalf. Messages I've seen range from the banal ("Ate. Slept. Pooped.") to the more self-conscious: "Thanks to social media my day wearing a bear suit will live on to inspire future generations...and embarrass me as a teenager."

But what's wrong with sharing photos through social networks with only your 300 or so of your closest friends? Leckart says,

Although privacy settings allow us to control which circle(s) of friends has access to parts of our profiles, many people either don't understand how to use them or prefer not to. Plus, like record labels and print publishers, parents are discovering that once content becomes digital, it can be easily copied and redistributed willy-nilly (hello, grandparents!). The result: photos of kids in compromising, colorful circumstances, and status updates recounting even more compromising, colorful circumstances, intended for a select few, are now spread out over the Web for everyone.

I've actually thought about this a great deal. While it's nice to share pictures of the baby with grandparents and friends, when does it become a matter of "oversharing?" One of my children is, by nature, very shy and shuns attention. Will she appreciate a record of embarrassing pictures and her silly sayings when she's older? As she grows into adulthood, will new friends, partners or prospective employes have an easy way to research her every waking moment as a kid? Only time can tell what social networks may do with their information someday.

In the end, I think that creating a permanent online record is something that a child should decide once she comes of age. For now, I get along very well by sharing pictures through a private SmugMug or Shutterfly gallery.  And I prefer to talk about our family events and cute sayings during my phone conversations with extended family and friends. Thankfully, my husband feels the same way. While we're extremely proud parents, we prefer to keep our private lives private, and protect the identity of our children while they're young. They may thank us one day.

Thoughts For Mothers Day

I'm exhausted. I over-scheduled myself this week. Somehow within a span of seven days I did the following: took a final exam, took a flight see my grandparents, went on an all-day school field trip with each kid, and drove the kids to piano practice, soccer practice, and a doctor's appointment. In between I managed to do laundry, wash the dishes, keep the kids fed, and keep up with my job. And now I'm supposed to pack for another trip. We're leaving to visit my mother-in-law for Mother's Day first thing in the morning.

I've noticed that no where on that list is something that I did for myself. In fact, I ditched a few of my own plans in favor of doing for others. I'm not complaining, and I'm not bragging, either. Moms do it all the time. We have moments when we burn the candle at both ends until the light nearly goes out.

In the midst of today's rush, I noted an email that came in from MissRepresentation.org, an organization that sheds light on the imbalanced portrayal of women and girls in the media. The theme of the email was Mother's Day, and it referenced a piece by founder Jennifer Siebel Newsom written for the International Museum of Women.

Citing the inequitable pay gap between men and women, the pay gap between childless women and working women, and the hardships of single motherhood, she writes:

The feminists before me fought for my right to vote, to work and to have more choices than they had. Yet we are all still strapped with an extremely heavy and unfair burden.  Because despite all of the progress we have made, women are still expected to be the primary caretakers of the young and old, while continuing to manage the home and their careers.  And you don’t want to get me started on the expectations for how women are supposed to look!  It’s unhealthy to idolize the “Wonder Woman” phenomena – the mythic woman who can do it all to perfection.  She does not exist and never will.  And, it’s extremely dangerous that we think we can be her.

...Overall, we are not only harming ourselves but the collective female population by staying small, not believing in ourselves, and not demanding the support we want and need to succeed.  

Yikes! Guilty.

It's clear that being a mother is hard work. Not just because we are parenting our children, but because we parent through other enormous responsibilities. It seems the definition of parenthood often carries much greater weight when it attached to a mother than to a father.

Yes, it's unfair, I'd like to see changes, and I don't know what the answer is. (Siebel Newsom offers some interesting suggestions.) I do know that being an attentive and caring mother is both a privilege and a sacrifice, and its a role that moms around the world take seriously. As Thomas Paine said so long ago, "The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph... What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly. It is dearness only that gives everything its value."

So we honor our mothers because we value their efforts. I'm far from perfect, but I do the best I can for my kids every day. My mother gave me that same gift a generation ago. Now that I'm a mother, I can see her efforts for what they were. Not just something she was supposed to do, but something she did out of love every day, the best she knew how. And she likely did it because her mother did the same for her. Mothering is a gift given daily. And I thank my mother and grandmother for it. And I'll hit the road tomorrow and thank my mother-in-law, too.

Facebook and Loneliness: Chicken or Egg?

Facebook Home Page

Is Facebook Making Us Lonely? is a fascinating article by Stephen Marche in the May 2012 issue of The Atlantic Monthly. A brief summary: Facebook, and other social networks, have come during a time when people report feeling more lonely than ever. Researchers have found that heavy users of Facebook are lonelier (and correspondingly more narcissistic) than people who don't use Facebook as often. But the general belief is that the technology isn't making us lonely, it's the way that humans use it.

The article is so well-written that I prefer to use direct quotes (in blue) than to use my own words any further. A few interesting points:

Our society is lonelier than in the past.

A 2010 AARP survey found that 35 percent of adults older than 45 were chronically lonely, as opposed to 20 percent of a similar group only a decade earlier. According to a major study by a leading scholar of the subject, roughly 20 percent of Americans—about 60 million people—are unhappy with their lives because of loneliness.

The mean size of networks of personal confidants decreased from 2.94 people in 1985 to 2.08 in 2004. Similarly, in 1985, only 10 percent of Americans said they had no one with whom to discuss important matters, and 15 percent said they had only one such good friend. By 2004, 25 percent had nobody to talk to, and 20 percent had only one confidant.

Loneliness has physical ramifications

Being lonely is extremely bad for your health. If you’re lonely, you’re more likely to be put in a geriatric home at an earlier age than a similar person who isn’t lonely. You’re less likely to exercise. You’re more likely to be obese. You’re less likely to survive a serious operation and more likely to have hormonal imbalances. You are at greater risk of inflammation. Your memory may be worse. You are more likely to be depressed, to sleep badly, and to suffer dementia and general cognitive decline.

Facebook users and the loneliness connection

Facebook users had slightly lower levels of “social loneliness”—the sense of not feeling bonded with friends—but “significantly higher levels of family loneliness”—the sense of not feeling bonded with family. It may be that Facebook encourages more contact with people outside of our household, at the expense of our family relationships—or it may be that people who have unhappy family relationships in the first place seek companionship through other means, including Facebook. The researchers also found that lonely people are inclined to spend more time on Facebook...

[Researcher Cacioppo says] “The greater the proportion of face-to-face interactions, the less lonely you are... The greater the proportion of online interactions, the lonelier you are.” 

Does Facebook make us lonely, or are we using Facebook (and other social networks) because we are lonely?

Loneliness is certainly not something that Facebook or Twitter or any of the lesser forms of social media is doing to us. We are doing it to ourselves. Casting technology as some vague, impersonal spirit of history forcing our actions is a weak excuse. We make decisions about how we use our machines, not the other way around.

Our omnipresent new technologies lure us toward increasingly superficial connections at exactly the same moment that they make avoiding the mess of human interaction easy. The beauty of Facebook, the source of its power, is that it enables us to be social while sparing us the embarrassing reality of society—the accidental revelations we make at parties, the awkward pauses, the farting and the spilled drinks and the general gaucherie of face-to-face contact.  

Sherry Turkle, a professor of computer culture at MIT who in 1995 published the digital-positive analysis Life on the Screen, is much more skeptical about the effects of online society in her 2011 book, Alone Together: “These days, insecure in our relationships and anxious about intimacy, we look to technology for ways to be in relationships and protect ourselves from them at the same time.” The problem with digital intimacy is that it is ultimately incomplete:

Connection between Facebook and narcissism

The Australian study “Who Uses Facebook?” found a significant correlation between Facebook use and narcissism: “Facebook users have higher levels of total narcissism, exhibitionism, and leadership than Facebook nonusers,” the study’s authors wrote. “In fact, it could be argued that Facebook specifically gratifies the narcissistic individual’s need to engage in self-promoting and superficial behavior.” 

The final word

What Facebook has revealed about human nature—and this is not a minor revelation—is that a connection is not the same thing as a bond, and that instant and total connection is no salvation, no ticket to a happier, better world or a more liberated version of humanity. Solitude used to be good for self-reflection and self-reinvention. But now we are left thinking about who we are all the time, without ever really thinking about who we are. Facebook denies us a pleasure whose profundity we had underestimated: the chance to forget about ourselves for a while, the chance to disconnect.

The phenomenon of Facebook and other social networks may provide a way to either bolster personal connections (organize a party, for example) or disengage from meaningful relationships. It's all in how the tools are used. Understanding this can help parents educate their kids as they enter into the realm of social networking.

Parent Questions "Racy" Photos

John Rosemond is a popular psychologist, syndicated columnist, and parenting expert. I don't know much about him and his beliefs, but I recently found an interesting column by him in the Charlotte Observer. A concerned mother writes to John that she's found "racy photos" of women on her teenage son's cell phone. Her husband wants to ignore it, and she wants to talk about it. John sides with the mother, and answers:

The door is open for your husband to sit down with his son and give him some fundamental instruction concerning the opposite sex: call it Women 101.

He could begin this mentoring by helping your son begin to understand that thinking of women as mere sexual objects is a form of disrespect; that anatomical attributes are not the measure of a woman; that while good looks are not a bad thing, the real prize is a woman who is a wonderful wife and mother, a woman, in other words, whose beauty goes deeper than her skin. There’s an opening here for your husband to help his son begin the journey to valid manhood. He should seize it!

Read more here: http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2012/04/02/3145166/john-rosemond-racy-photos-mean.html#storylink=misearch#storylink=cpy

I found this response very wise, and it sounded as if it was written from a woman's point of view!

I remember when the Internet was relatively new, and how disturbed I was when the men at work congregated together at a computer to ogle over pornographic images. It was my first realization that with all the positive changes that the Internet was bringing, there were also going to be some big problems.

In the digital world today, pornography and "racy photos" are certainly continuing to degrade society's belief that women are sexual objects with little other value. In my talks with two experienced elementary school teachers, they have seen boys as young as fourth grade know how to navigate the web to get pornographic images - using school computers. I'm of the belief that this exposure, and the continuation of this practice, will be very harmful to boys and their future relationships with women, to say nothing of how it is hurting our broader culture.

On the PsychCentral blog, Robert Weiss, an expert in sexual dysfunctions, writes:

It appears that the tsunami of accessible, affordable, and increasingly graphic Internet pornography accessed via home computers, laptops, smart-phones and other mobile devices we now carry in our pockets can, for some, cause not only emotional, relationship, and financial problems, but also sexual dysfunction. In a way, this confirms what many in the sexual addiction treatment field have known for quite some time—that among the many symptoms and consequences of sex and porn addiction is reduced or even nonexistent interest in sexual, physical, and emotional connections with spouses and/or longer-term sexual partners. 

All kinds of relationships, including marriages and families, can be harmed by Internet porn. Unfortunately, protecting kids from the effects of porn may be a very hard-fought battle. It may be easier for some parents to ignore the issue. But because of the real and potential psychological risks, parents need to be vigilant, be aware that it's easy for kids to find graphic sexual images, and take every opportunity to communicate personal values when issues like this come up at home.

Social Networks Provide New Ways to Study People

I took a short trip over the weekend to visit my grandparents. (Although it's off topic, I'm compelled to write that Grandma and Grandpa must be two of the finest people ever.) I read a lot in the airport and on the plane, which is something I don't do enough of these days. Two of the publications I read included the latest issues of the Atlantic Monthly and Scientific American: Mind, and they provided a lot of ideas for this blog.

To ease into the week, I'll start with the shortest article that I wanted to comment about. Written by Janelle Weaver in Scientific American: Mind, the piece summarizes a study by researchers at Cornell University, who studied posts Twitter posts all over the world. Their findings show that people are happier in the morning and as the day wears on, good moods go downhill. Interestingly, results are the same on the weekend, but the "bad mood" effect is delayed by about two hours. The data "suggest that sleep schedules strongly influence mood cycles."

The findings of this study are not hard to believe. It feels like the correlation between moods and sleep cycles is experienced in our home frequently. My kids and I don't necessarily get grumpier, but we can get more anxious and more emotional as the day wears on. At young elementary school ages, tears are far more likely to happen just before bed. When I was a new parent, I learned quickly that my baby needed a nap when she got fussy and inconsolable. A good night's sleep helps my outlook on life tremendously. Perhaps as adults we still have that innate tendency to experience negative feelings if we're sleepy, but we can just express our feelings in more mature ways.

I'd be curious to know if the researchers considered the reality of a person's mood and what the person actually tweets about. I'll share another article that suggests that people tend to portray a happier self than how they actually feel. If that's the case, bad moods in this study could be that much worse!

One angle about the study that I find fascinating is that the researchers say:

...that the rising popularity of online social media is allowing scientists to study human behavior in surprising new ways.

This is a use of social media that could prove to be very enlightening. And perhaps something that a layperson could do. Hmmm... Maybe I'll run a study using my Facebook friends as subjects. Another blog post idea in the making.

Think Pink? Think Again.

Products by Estee Lauder

Last night I attended a screening and discussion of the movie Pink Ribbons, Inc. I attended partially because I want to host a screening of the films Consuming Kids and Miss Representation, both related to my adopted cause of understanding the impact of today's media on kids, and I was interested in what it takes to organize such an event.

The Pink Ribbons event in Charlotte, NC was very well-done, and well-attended. But what also struck me were the messages in the movie. Here's what I took away from this powerful film:

* The "pink ribbons" campaign for breast cancer was largely developed by corporations who wanted a new way to sell products to a huge target market: women. After all, women make 80% of the buying decisions in the home (Bloomberg BusinessWeek). We can now buy anything in pink, from hand guns to teddy bears. Unfortunately, often only pennies (sometimes exactly one penny) of the sales actually fund breast cancer research.

* The color pink was adopted as part of the brand based on PR focus groups, which suggested that women like the color pink, and find it cheerful, happy, and warm. Unfortunately, many breast cancer victims do not feel like this represents the truth behind the horrific disease.

* Many of the largest sponsors behind the Komen Foundation and other breast cancer research funding actually use known carcinogens in their products. Ford, Estee Lauder, Avon and Yopait were among the worst offenders.

* Many women without a family history of breast cancer think that they are safe, but in fact around 70% of breast cancers are found in women with no family history of the disease. And although taking care of your physical health through diet an exercise are important, the link between this and the disease is not concrete. Healthy women get breast cancer, too.

* Although evidence points to our environment as a major cause of breast cancer, very little money is allocated to researching environmental causes. In fact, at the time the movie was released, only 5% of research money goes to funding these studies. And only about 15% of money is directed toward prevention. The point to this is that donors should demand accountability for the money that they give and raise. Decide where your money should go. Demand that more money be spent finding the cause of breast cancer, which could save additional lives. As one physician in the movie put it, we just don't know the cause of the disease. "We're missing something big," she says.

The movie just made me want to throw all of my cosmetics and food in the garbage, and start over from scratch. Unfortunately, I can't afford to buy all organic food and personal care products. So now I'm caught. If the odds of getting breast cancer in 1940 were one in 20, and now the chances are one in 8, what will the odds be for my kids when they get older?

Like my concerns with the media and our kids' psychological health, I'm also concerned with physical health. Is it me, or is it harder to be a parent these days, with such gloomy statistics and so many conflicting and confusing media messages?

Pink Ribbons, Inc. was a very compelling movie. Its messages are very much worth listening to.

Marriages and Social Media: What is Unfair to Share?

I find it fascinating to think about the affects that social networking has on our everyday relationships, including marriages. Spouses can declare their love for each other, complain about each other, and outright fight - all without being in close proximity.

A recent New York Times piece by Laura M. Holson calls social networking a "new source of online friction" for some couples, and begs the question, "what is fair game for sharing with the world?"

If one half of a couple is not interested in broadcasting the details of a botched dinner or romantic weekend, Facebook postings or tweets can create irritation, embarrassment, miscommunication and bruised egos.

Couples may benefit from having a discussion about what is acceptable online behavior when it comes to the relationship. Is it OK to sharing embarrassing photos, complain about one another, brag (or gripe) about finances, or comment about a spouses' medical procedure? Is one-half of the couple extra sensitive about jokes made using him as subject matter? Can you trust the other person to keep private matters private? What happens if the relationship ends bitterly, and your former significant other wants to ruin your reputation using social networks as a platform?

An earlier article in the New York Times investigated what relationship spats look like on Facebook.

For most couples, the temptation to publicly slander each other is overpowered by the instinct to prove to their friends how happy they are, reality notwithstanding. But for others, arguing in front of others comes as naturally as slamming doors.

And as it relates to marriage and social networking, Michael Vincent Miller, psychologist and author of “Intimate Terrorism: The Crisis of Love in an Age of Disillusion” says:

Today, popular representations of marriage tend toward “two very self-protective egos at war with one another... each wanting vindication and to be right by showing that the other is wrong.”

I've seen Facebook relationship statuses change from "married" to "single," and I know immediately when some friends suddenly head for divorce. Online bickering is a little awkward for me, as a friend of the couple (please don't expect me to comment or take sides). I've seen online love declarations, and I wondered if it feels easier to say "I love you," on a social network than in person.

Thankfully, my husband and I both shy away from sharing much on Facebook, and we don't belong to any other social networks except LinkedIn, which is certainly not the forum to share personal thoughts, feelings and disagreements. We probably don't work on our marriage like we should, but at least we don't have to worry about throwing online drama into the mix.

I also wonder about what's in store for my kids. Hopefully they'll be seasoned enough to understand the risks of sharing relationship details via social networks. I hope they'll be able to have candid discussions with a boyfriend or spouse about expected online behavior, or at least have thick enough skin to deal with online mishaps or breaks in trust. Responsible online behavior will likely have to be a criteria for selecting a partner...as if there needed to be anything else added to the list.

Padded Bras for Girls: What's The Message?

Girls' padded bras for sale at
Kohl's Department Store

While shopping at our local Kohl's, I found this display in the children's section. Yes, these are rows upon rows of padded bras. Surprised? It's not just Kohl's. I've also noticed similar trends in other girls' clothing stores, like the popular tween retailer, Justice.

Snapping a picture of the bras with my cell phone, my blood pressure went up. I have so many issues with this. And questions, too. Why do stores push the notion that young girls should artificially enlarge their breasts? Just who is benefiting from the girls wearing these bras? Do girls feel more popular and well-liked if their breasts appear larger than they really are? Are manufacturers making these bras, and the retailers selling them, because they are actually in demand? Apparently the answer to that last question is "yes."

But it's not just about the bras. Look at any girls clothing store, and you can see short skirts, short shorts, skinny jeans, skimpy bikinis and bare midriff shirts all marketed for kids. And while my beef with clothing may technically fall outside the "media and family" theme of my blog, I think it relates with the messages that the mainstream media sends to all of us about young girls and women. After all, the media promotes fashion, trends and ideas about body image, and those ideas eventually translate into product sales.

Girls are particularly vulnerable to messages that they see in the media. According to Miss Representation.org, "three out of four teenage girls feel depressed, guilty and shameful after spending three minutes leafing through a fashion magazine." But perhaps more important are the messages that girls receive at home. Does mom worry incessantly about her looks, or does she model a healthy, and happy, view of herself? Does dad criticize mom's or daughter's body, or is he accepting and encouraging? Do mom and dad endorse purchases of short skirts and padded bras prematurely?

We may not be able to change the world, or how the world grades girls' bodies, but we can make a difference at home. Through sensible purchases, candid discussions, and a loving and accepting environment in which girls can be girls, we can help our daughters develop at their own pace, discovering that they have value beyond their appearance.

7 Educational Apps for Kids

Bugs and Buttons by
Little Bit Studio, LLC

To supplement the list of apps that I've been sharing on reading, math, science, social studies, art and music, here is a list of general educational apps for young kids. Again, these apps are recommended by a private school in Knoxville, Tennessee.

These are all apps designed for young kids, and it makes me wonder if any iPad time is helpful for kids' learning in the long run. If they play educational games now, will they be smarter than their peers in college? Do better on their ACT scores than they would otherwise?

My family doesn't have an iPad. I think the kids can benefit from it, but I'm in no rush while they are still ages six and seven. Any thoughts? If you do have an iPad, don't forget to set screen-time limits for your kids, even for educational use. Enjoy! These apps look fun!

1. Bugs and Buttons by Little Bit Studio, LLC
2. Super Why for iPad by PBS Kids
3. TeachMe: Kindergarten by 24x7digital LLC
4. TeachMe: First Grade by 24x7 digital LLC
5. See.Touch.Learn by Brain Parade
6. Brain POP Featured Movie by BrainPOP
7. Puppet Pals HD by Polished Play, LLC

One more thing. Don't forget that this week is Screen-Free Week! It's a wonderful chance to put down the devices, turn off the TV, and interact as a family.

Seven Arts and Music Apps for Kids

Doodle Buddy by
Pinger, Inc.

Here is a list of arts and music apps for kids that may inspire creativity at home, as shared with me by a private school in Knoxville, Tennessee.

As always, I recommend sharing the experience with your little ones and setting screen-time limits. These apps may be fun, but there is still no substitute for imaginary play!

Arts
1. Glow Coloring by MobiTech 3000 LLC
2. Learn to Draw Digital Sketchbook by Walter Foster
3. Doodle Buddy by Pinger, Inc.
4. Painting with Time by Red Hill Studios


Music
5. Virtuoso Piano Free by Peter Nagy
6. Garage Band by Apple

Movies

7. iMovie by Apple

Nine Animal and Social Studies Apps for Kids

National Geographic Kids app
by National Geographic Society

Continuing with my posts that share educational apps for kids, here is a list of apps that help little ones learn about animal studies and social studies. My girls would especially love the animal apps! In fact, listing all of these apps all week have made me want to buy an iPad!

In my search, I did see that some of these apps are available for Droid phones, and the National Geographic Kids web site is pretty interactive, too. So these ideas might be helpful for those of us without iPads and iPhones too!

1. ZooZooSafari by Zoo Zoo Interactive
2. Animal Sounds by Innovative Mobile Apps
3. National Geographic Kids by National Geographic Society
4. History: Maps of World by Seung-Bin Cho
5. Shake the States by Third Chicken Incorporated
6. Stack the States by Dan Russell-Pinson
7. Stack the Countries by Dan Russell-Pinson
8. Today in History by Down-Shift Inc.
9. Animals Sounds HD by Sifusan

By the way, Seaworld.com has a lot of great information about marine animals, too!

A Must Read: The Flight from Conversation

Photographs by Peter DaSilva and
Byron Smith, for The New York Times

Please read The Flight From Conversation, an article in the New York Times by Sherry Turkle, psychologist and professor at MIT. Turkle observes that although people are substituting frequent, but brief, online conversations for meaningful face-to-face conversations, with the overall end result of feeling more lonely, and disconnected, than ever.

An excerpt from the article related to parenting and children:

We think constant connection will make us feel less lonely. The opposite is true. If we are unable to be alone, we are far more likely to be lonely. If we don’t teach our children to be alone, they will know only how to be lonely.

I am a partisan for conversation. To make room for it, I see some first, deliberate steps. At home, we can create sacred spaces: the kitchen, the dining room. We can make our cars “device-free zones.” We can demonstrate the value of conversation to our children.

My home certainly doesn't have "device-free zones." I blog about this article from my laptop in the dining room. My kids are on the couch in the living room watching TV. My husband is next to them, doing work on his laptop. We are physically near each other, but not connected. Of course, this is not the norm. Or is it? I'm not sure.

This article gets to the heart of my concerns about our digital lives affecting the well-being of our marriages, families, or other relationships. A summary on my part wouldn't do it justice. The piece should be read in full. And reread. We should all contemplate how we want to purposefully model and manage our digital lives for the sake of our own selves and for our children.

17 Math Apps for Kids

Numbers and Numbers Words
Matching Game by
Good Neighbor Press, Inc.

Continuing with my posts this weeks about apps for kids, here is a list of recommended math apps. These were all recommended by the private school in Knoxville, Tennessee that I referenced before. Some of these look so fun. Hopefully these apps will help your little ones grow their interest and confidence in math!

Although these links lead to the iTunes site for download to an iPad or iPhone, some of them come in other formats. Try searching for the app and manufacturer name to get their web sites.

And if you'd like more information about a certain app before you download and/or purchase (some of these are free), don't forget the app reviews by Common Sense Media.

1. Snowman Math (Santa's Christmas Village) by EnsenaSoft
2. Adventures Undersea Math by Brain Counts
3. Memory Train by Piikea St. LLC
4. Coin Math by Recession Apps
5. 10 Frame Fill by Classroom Focused Software
6. Approach to Montessori Math by Rantek Inc.
7. Everyday Math, a suite of apps, by McGraw-Hill School Education Group
8. Rocket Math by Dan Russell-Pinson
9. Math Puppy by Kids Games Club
10. Motion Math Zoom by Motion Math
11. Quick Graph by Colombiamug
12. Math Drills Lite by Instant Interactive
13. Convert Units for Free HD by Free the Apps!
14. Numbers and Numbers Words Matching Game by Good Neighbor Press, Inc.
15. Painting with Time by Red Hill Studios
16. Monkey Time by Brian West
17. Moofy Recognizing Patterns Games by Playsmart-Kids

20 Science Apps for Kids

Leafsnap Screen Shot by
Columbia U., U. of MD, and
Smithsonian Institution

Yesterday I shared 20 apps that help kids with reading, phonics, and other language arts. Today, I'll include 20 science apps for kids! The apps were recommended to parents by a private school in Knoxville, Tennessee. I can't say I've tried any of them yet, except I do have Google Earth on my Droid phone, and it's very cool!

The links shared below go to the iTunes web site for information and download. If you don't have an iPad or iPhone (like me), try running a search to see if these products have a version for different systems and gadgets, or even if they can be used through a traditional web browser.

For reviews and parent comments regarding popular apps, see Common Sense Media.

Enjoy sharing science with your kids!

1. SimplePhysics by Andrew Garrison *
2. Clean Energy Hawaii HD by NSC Partners LLC
3. How it Works by Imagine Publishing
4. Science Fun To Go by SachManya LLC
5. Murky Reef by Frolyc
6. Bobo Explores Light by Game Collage, LLC
7. CompassApp by Greenality Limited
8. Star Walk by Vito Technology Inc.
9. The Magic School Bus: Oceans by Scholastic Inc.
10. LeafSnap by Columbia University, University of Maryland and Smithsonian Institution
11. NASA App by NASA Ames Research Center
12. Science 360 by National Science Foundation
13. Periodic Table of the Elements by Kevin Neelands
14. The Elementals by The Angry Robot Zombie Factory
15. GoSkyWatch Planetarium by GoSoftWorks
16. 3D Brain by Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory
17. Molecules by Sunset Lake Software
18. Vernier Video Physics by Vernier Software and Technology
19. TED by TED Conferences *
20. Google Earth by Google 

* Rated for ages nine and up

20 Apps that Help Kids Learn to Read

Screen shot from the
Starfall ABC's app

I've been sharing a lot of cautionary information about the use of media and technology lately. The last thing I want to do with my blog is to suggest that I think families should live in a bubble, giving up screens and media exposure altogether. For the vast majority of us, that is impractical, impossible, and not very much fun. Although I believe strongly that parents need to manage family screen time, kids absolutely need to be technologically savvy to be competitive in school and in the future job market.

To that end, here is a list of apps for the iPad, smart phones and other gadgets that can help preschoolers and young elementary kids with reading, letter recognition, phonics and foreign languages. These apps were recommended to parents by a private school in Knoxville, Tennessee. I can't personally vouch for these programs, except for Starfall. My kids used the program through a traditional web browser both at home and at school. It's great!

Most of these links go to Apple's iTunes web site for information and download. If you don't have an iPad or iPhone, run an online search for the program or its manufacturer. Some of these apps may come in different formats, like DVDs, CDs, or programs for Droid phones and other gadgets.

Interested in reviews and comments about apps from other parents? See the Common Sense Media web site, where they have reviewed several popular apps, sharing the good and the not-so-good.

1. Phonics Easy Reader 1 by Rock N/ Learn
2. Word Ball Free by Continuous Integration Apps
3. ABC Tracer by App-Zoo
4. Shape-O ABC's by Bellamon
5. ABC Go! by Peapod Labs LLC
6. Alphabytes by WFH Interactive
7. Interactive Alphabet - ABC Flashcards by Piikea St. LLC
8. ABC Food by Peapod Labs LLC
9. Starfall ABC's by Starfall Education
10. ABC Alphabet Phonics by GrasshopperApps.com
11. Futaba by INKids
12. ABC 123 Blocks by Playtend Apps LLP
13. ABC and Me by Muon Van
14. Sight Words List by Innovative Mobile Apps
15. Living Language - Spanish by Random House Digital, Inc.
16. Grammar Express - Parts of Speech by Eknath Kadam
17. Alphabet Tracing by Oncilla Technologies, Inc.
18. iTranslate by SonicoGmbH
19. Comic Life by plasq LLC
20. ABC Alphabet Soup by RoDen Apps

Happy learning!

Kids Interrupted: The Price of Losing Concentration

As a mother, one of my biggest challenges is to finish anything - a thought, a task, or a conversation - before I get interrupted by my sweet, but eager, children. When the kids go to school, it takes real effort to focus on one work project without getting interrupted by email, phone calls, or the temptation to check the latest news stories. Successful concentration and efficiently finishing a task is sometimes hard to come by.

Of course, parents aren't the only ones that have a hard time concentrating. Kids, teenagers, and even babies don't focus well in certain environments. According to the International Communication Association and a report from WebMD, babies and kids ages eight months to eight years who are exposed to large amounts of background TV are at a disadvantage. Their mental tasks are often interrupted by the background sights and sounds, and this, in turn, can lead to language and academic problems.

As I wrote last week, teenagers who allow social technology like Facebook and texting to interrupt them during study time are likely to get lower grades than those who don't. Checking Facebook even just one time per fifteen minutes will likely result in lower grades. (See Facebook: Friend or Foe? by the American Psychological Association.)

Even kids' sleep can be interrupted. Blue lights from computers, TVs, wireless modems, and other gadgets can interfere with sleep (WebMD.com). TV can disturb preschoolers' sleep, depending on the timing and nature of the television program (CNN.com). And being "overwired" in general, through excessive use of video games, cell phones, and Internet use, can cause a child to lose a good night's sleep (Minneapolis Star Tribune).

Continuous breaks in concentration may be detrimental. Some Harvard scientists have even suggested that they are seeing evidence of "shorter attention spans influenced by technology and the constant waves of information washing over us." (The Seattle Times)  This leads to an interesting question: is technology distracting us, or are we to blame for allowing the distraction? David Levy, a professor at the University of Washington's School of Information, points out that its not helpful to think of technology as the perpetrator when it comes to our concentration problems. It's all in how we as a society, and as individuals, use it and allow it to disrupt our tasks.

There are many unanswered questions about how our use of technology interrupts our thought processes and tasks. Psychologists and other social scientists are constantly looking for answers. Regardless of what they discover, managing our family's screen time, background TV, and other distractions can be something very worthwhile to focus on.